|
| Visit Orlando Online | Featured Hotels | Featured Attractions | Featured Restuarants |
| When We Call To Verify Your Request Ask- "How Can I Get My 4 day & 3 night Orlando Vacation for 4 people for only $199?" |
|---|
|
|
| Visit Orlando Online | Featured Hotels | Featured Attractions | Featured Restuarants |
| When We Call To Verify Your Request Ask- "How Can I Get My 4 day & 3 night Orlando Vacation for 4 people for only $199?" |
|---|
Orlando Family VacationIt started with my wife Tiffany, the new strategic planner in all things vacation. Having gone to Las Vegas with our two daughters Kristi (10) & Kelly (5) last year, myself touting the new family oriented Las Vegas, only to find that whomever does the planning out there changed their minds again and decided that Las Vegas is to be an adult destination after all. This is not to say you can't entertain children in Las Vegas but the mobile billboards for prostitution ubiquitous on the strip made me feel imbecilic as I repeatedly told my 5 year old 'I don't know why the picture of the almost naked lady keeps driving around.' So to Tiffany fell this years vacation planning much to my relief, I donned my teflon coat insulating myself from any curt comments, in no short supply while in Las Vegas. Orlando was to be the destination, Orlando, the anti Vegas. Tiffany, gotta love her goes to a website Visit Orlando Online and gives up our phone number, email address, along with her first and last name. My reaction: ' Are you nuts?' 'Her reply: Relax they are just sending us an online book about Orlando, called vacation in Orlando. I think alright more ammo for me, I remain silent and walk into the den a secret smirk hidden behind bland expression. Silently questioning her in my mind, if they are sending you an online guide, why don't they just send it? Why do they need your name and phone number ? She beckons me out of the den and informs me that someone from Visit Orlando Online will be calling shortly alluding to an email instantly sent upon her giving up our phone number. 'Your kidding' I respond with mock surprise emphatically expressed on my face. All I got back was the lip contraction eye squinting look genetically present in all human females AKA 'the look'. A word of warning, this means:'Shut up or you'll wish you had.' Self preservation prevailed and I immediately returned to my sanctuary to watch TV . Twenty minutes or so later the phone rings followed 2 minutes later by : 'Honey where are the credit cards?' I feel my stomach tighten, heart rate rising. 'I don't know.' She knows where they are, this was her way of telling me that she was going to buy something over the phone. They were in a kitchen drawer orderly filed in a genuine leather credit card holder that was free with a $500 purchase from the cosmetics counter at Neimans. If only I could create a distraction. I tried to give my five year old a scary face to elicit a cry and cause mommy to break from the phone call. Kelly wasn't buying it. A giggle and 'you look silly daddy' was I'll I could get out of her. Plan B. To late. Shuddering as I hear 'That sounds great! Oh here's my Visa.' She'd been closed. I make my approach from behind triggering her radar, she spins around with a look of optimism normally reserved for children on December 25th and gleefully asks guess what? I reply:' The son of the former minister of information of Kenya is willing to share his millions of dollars with us if only we can send an advance payment to get it released from a Swiss bank account?' I am given the look. What? I respond with the appropriate impatience in my voice. I get the pout. If the look is a hand grenade, the pout is a thermo nuclear weapon. My daughters use it on me too. I resign with the gentle smile of a man who knows he's doomed and doesn't care. 'We're going to Orlando for only $199 plus we get two free tickets to Disney World.' I smile, nod and think of the genuine leather credit card holder free with $500 purchase and say:'Great!' She then volunteers: 'All we have to do is attend a presentation for a vacation condo'. Well at least she didn't transfer our life savings to the 5th third bank of Nassau. Long plane rides suck. Long plane rides featuring an inflight movie starring the Duff sisters makes one wish to have born deaf. As consolation Kristi and Kelly were semi-content for 33% of the flight. Orlando in September not bad as long as 240mph winds aren't prevailing. The package includes Comfort suites, pretty good. We settle in I ask Tiffany 'What happens if we don't go to the presentation.' She nonchalantly replies' The trip costs $1,000' I cringe. What the heck. We had rented a car so we drove ourselves to Celebrity Resorts Lake Buena Vista. The kids get to go to camp snoopy or sleepy or something. It is 10am!. We circle around the grounds of the resort. Kinda nice. But no way am I buying a condo. I don't even know if I even like Orlando yet. Though you could see all the good stuff from here. Tiffany is way too enthusiastic I begin to get scared. What if I can't put my foot down? What if I can't wield my male superiority? What happens if she uses the pout? We get to the preview condo, big, real big. It is now 11am. 1800 seconds to freedom. She likes it. Even before she utters a word I know she likes it. I like Hearst Castle but I don't want to buy it. The 'vacation counselor' is talking about the cost of 2 adults and 2 children eating out 3 meals a day for 7 days and somehow arrives at $2100 as he prattles off the list of kitchen features. Tiffany is nodding in genuine agreement a signal to not even think about objecting to anything this 'Vacation Saint' is telling us. 11:30 am freedom, sweet sweet freedom. I mention that we need to pick up the kids from camp whatever. 'Vacation Saint' replies for her:'Oh don't worry we never leave the children unattended.' Bastard. 12pm The minutia of housekeeping, owners association and some point trading system are detailed with the greatest of enthusiasm. Logic, it rarely works on the human female: 'Sweetie shouldn't we find out if we like Orlando first?' She agrees. Yes. Yes. Yes. 12:30pm. She asks for his card. No. No. No. It would mean one thing if it was offered, but no . . . she asked. We get the kids go back to Comfort suites. Go eat and then it's off to the Magic Kingdom. We had our tickets the other two cost $60 each. Ah who cares this place looks fun. No fair the smell of hot buttered popcorn is everywhere. Hunger returns. McDonalds DisneyWorld that should tide us over. Note beware of eating at McDonalds Disney World everything is triple the price. So we make our way through Tomorrowland which is more like Todayland to Monstropolis. Which is accessed through a door placed in Tomorrowland. We enter The Laugh Floor a video is shown to the audience with Mike the 1 eyed monster explaining how the show works. You can text message a joke to a phone number with your cell phone. What a cool idea but the only jokes I know are along the lines of the pope and a lawyer arrive in heaven etc. Then it comes to me Kelly.s favorite.Why did the chicken cross the road?. I send as .Hey Kelly why did the chicken cross the road?. I wasn.t sure about the odds of it actually being used in the show considering the full house, but it was worth a shot. Mike introduces the first act a 2 headed monster named either 'Sam and Ella' or 'Mac and Jeeves'. The two-headed monster attempts to show it.s knowledge of the human world's geography, but gets everything wrong ('Virginia is a small volcanic island in the Pacific Ocean famous for its kangaroos, mounted police, and the Eiffel Tower' Buddy Boil (or Beznos) then comes on as the second act and performs a mind-reading trick that doesn't work very well either. A guest is asked to think of a number and tell the audience the number while Boil has his eyes closed (so he won't hear the number). Boil will get the number incorrect and rapidly guess wrong numbers before Roz(wicked green receptionist) pushes a trap door button and away he goes. . The gigglewatts canister will be half-full, and Roz will tell Mike he will never be able to fill the can. Mike gets the crowd to agree with him that the can will get filled. The third and last act is Mike Wazowski's little nephew Marty, who is a smaller version of Mike only orange rather than green. Marty reads the jokes the audience text messaged in, Then the one eyed wonder belts it out: 'Hey Kelly , why did the chicken cross the road?' She stands up excited and shouts 'To get to the other side'. The whole audience laughed. Maybe Kelly has a future as straightman to a orange orb with arms, legs & eye. She was adorable standing up and shouting out the answer. I looked at Kristi and she just smiled and rolled her eyes. Tiffany came unglued with joy. I had just scored major points across the board with all 3. Tiffany had a look about her that I recognized from the time before children. Not that we don't have great moments at home. But you get caught up in the day to day crap and sometimes lose site of the things that make life truly worth living. Lost in the excitement I say let's go to Adventureland. Off we were. I pondered how rare it was that I could suggest something to my family and get total instant agreement. I can't even get my daughters to play the same game together at Chuck e. Cheese, Tiffany usually plays with Kristi, and myself being immature at heart play with Kelly . Now faced with 50 different options I suggest one and instant agreement. I know now it was my spontaneous enthusiasm. Like being a child again. Pirates of the Caribbean I remember it from my childhood, most importantly I knew Kelly could pass the you must be as tall as me plywood pirate test. Tiffany and Kristi were experiencing a kind of wow this is cool thing but it was Kelly that made the whole ride exiting screaming at the warning from the skull and crossbones and every sudden dip and turn. FrontierLand Tiffany's suggestion she wants to see the Country Bear Jamboree. Once again agreement complete. Off we go. The bears are as cute as ever. Henry is the leader and begins the jamboree with 'Pianjo'. Towards the end of the show the Davey Crockett theme song is played and I begin to sing along at first without realizing it eliciting a strange smile from Tiffany. I pour more projection into my singing and smile as I do it. Kelly is getting tired so we go back to the hotel put her down for her nap(about 4 hours late). We're hungry so we look up a barbecue place called Bubbalou's and call in an order for take out. Great ribs I think we may have ruined our allotment of face towels cleaning up afterwards. We called the desk and they sent more up. We decide to go to bed early to adjust ourselves to EST. The next day comes to us as a blank page. So many choices. I suggest we see Orlando beyond Disney World. Lukewarm reception from the kids. Tiffany likes the idea though. So with a little persuasion & a promise of fun beyond measure, we convince Kelly & Kristi. Vacation is not the time you want to exert your paternal supremacy, diplomacy rules. In fact as I write this I can honestly say diplomacy has increasingly become my tactic of choice. I suggest we go on an airboat ride through the Orlando swampland. Mixed reaction. Kristi was of the 'that would be cool' party , Tiffany was in the 'what about the alligators' party, and Kelly was staunchly firm in the 'What's that?' party. After assuring Tiffany that alligators wouldn't consume us airboat and all, I find a place on the internet that lets you rent the boat and go explore for yourself and see the 'Real Florida'. We arrive at 'AIRBOATS YOU DRIVE'. Clearly they consulted a high priced Madison avenue advertising agency that hired a focus group to come up with such an original name. I knew I had made a bad decision as soon as I saw the place. If I am to believe their internet site the 'Real Florida' is a freeway drainage ditch with a bunch of tourists piloting airboats in a circular parade. Tiffany snickered the kids thought it was cool anyway, so I said 'what the heck lets get a boat'. Those things are definitely loud Kelly had her hands over her ears as we started the thing and entered the grand parade of other tourists seeking the 'Real Florida'. They may have alligators in the New York sewers but we didn't see any at the 'AIRBOATS YOU DRIVE DITCH'. They probably moved on a long time ago as 'AIRBOATS YOU DRIVE DITCH' was pretty polluted with garbage, not to mention the cumulative noise of the boat parade would frighten Godzilla away. The kids loved it though so I expect Tiffany will only jot this one down in her invisible journal of everything I have ever done as only half wrong. To be recalled later in some discussion regarding my activity planning skill which already suffered from poor reputation. She actually didn't seem upset at all and had that pre-maternal smile and look in her eyes again. We spent about an hour in the boat. We actually had the motor cut out and collided with another boat. Not a big deal though, I venture to guess that the top speed on them was 7mph. Note to all: 'The slower an airboat is moving the harder it is to steer'.I got it restarted and we made our way back to the dock. Tiffany then takes the kids to the restroom while I watch the ditch parade. The girls come back first and then a minute later Tiffany walks out of the bathroom cellphone in one hand and the 'CARD' in the other. I get nervous what is she up to, why is she calling 'Vacation Saint' ? Tiffany comes up gives me a sly smile and asks the kids if the want to go to the kids camp at the resort by the lake. I realize instantly I am about to get lucky, real lucky. The kind of lucky where you don't worry about your 5 year old waking up from her nap. The kind of lucky where you won't have to answer the phone because it might be your boss who needs you at his beck and call 24/7. The only possible interruption could be something with the kids and I thank god that Kristi is mature way beyond her years so I knew there would be no interruption unless it was really needed. The kids are for it no argument. Must be a pretty fun place. We drive over to Celebrity see John De Martino formerly referred to as 'Vacation Saint' in sarcastic term. He explains that normally the day camps are just for the owners kids but he got the resort to make an exception. Great, see you in 3 hours John. (Sorry to disappoint you as the reader but I am not going to detail the 3 hours Tiffany and I spent alone in the hotel). We both thank John for helping us get our alone time, grab the kids and go to dinner. The kids went for a canoe ride on the lake and did some fishing while at the kids camp. Nothing caught. Still though they had a good time. We had the best time in years. With absolute lucidity I asked Tiffany what she thought we should do tomorrow? She asked the Kids if they wanted to go to Universal Islands of Adventure. No argument, the plan was in place. Universal was fun but there were a lot of rides that Kelly was to small to go on so Tiffany and I took turns watching her while one went on the rides with Kristi. The best ride is the Jurassic Park River ride it's climax is escaping from a very large and real looking T-rex by plummeting about 100ft. or so and getting thoroughly soaked in the process. There is a cartoon island that caters to all ages but it focuses on cartoons that kids these days wouldn't even recognize, Popeye, Olive oil, Dudley do Right etc. Still we all had fun. Kristi was hoping for Norbuto island or something. We went back to Disney World that night and had dinner at the Rainforest cafe very cool atmosphere they really put a lot of effort into the look and sound effects. Afterwards we watched the fireworks, quite a show. Then back to the hotel and ready ourselves to go back home to Paso Robles. The return flight takes a little longer due to earth rotation. But no Duff sisters movie, mercifully. Tiffany wants to buy the condo, I'm undecided, though I am probably just going end up agreeing with her, she'll probably use the pout. Fill out this form to receive your FREE Copy of Vacationing in Orlando. Portable Document File Format as of: 9-01-2007. |
|---|